We Must Break

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I find myself in the midst of yet another curveball thrown by the universe—a profound deconstruction of my very essence. At this moment, I do not feel like I am thriving, nor do I believe that everything will simply work out.

I am currently grappling with the harshness of reality, pushing back with all my energy. I wish it would all just disappear. I feel broken.

Yet, what I have come to understand in this life is that every experience, no matter how painful, is a convergence of wisdom, love, understanding, compassion—and the emergence of a stronger version of myself.

Pain and pleasure are inevitable parts of life.

Humans will invariably encounter both pain and pleasure; but suffering is a psychological construct that requires a sense of self—a sufferer. Suffering is the result of the mind’s visceral reaction to pain, a conditioned response deeply embedded within us.

Yes, this conditioning runs deep. Changing these thoughts is a formidable task. I am in the thick of it as we speak and can attest to the difficulty. I sometimes want to give up, to tap out of life. It has been a rough journey for me since birth, and many others would understand. But I refuse to succumb to that defeatist mentality. Deep down, I recognize that this is part and parcel of life, and I need to reframe my perspective.

So, how do we experience pain without succumbing to suffering?

Suffering is caused by craving—the craving for pleasure or the craving for the elimination of pain. It is the mind’s resistance to pain that amplifies suffering. If there is significant resistance to what is, even the smallest amount of pain can cause immense suffering. Without craving or resistance, there is no suffering. Pain, when met without resistance, is simply pain.

Nothing more—nothing less.

That being said, suffering is inevitable in this life, my friends. Not optional. Suffering is not necessary; but it takes a lot of suffering to realize this simple fact.

This means I have to continually check myself and remind myself that I wouldn’t know that this brokenness can be healed through acceptance of what is if I hadn’t been broken before.

We break so we can become who we are meant to be, over and over, until the day we die.

It is scary as fuck to break.

To free fall.

To die while still living.

So, when I find myself resisting reality and pushing pain away, I stop, just for a moment, and remind myself that maybe there is a greater plan in all of this. Perhaps one day I will look back and see that it was necessary.

I know I have had these life-shattering experiences before. I am who I am because of what has transpired in my life. Without all that pain, I wouldn’t be me. And I am eternally grateful for everything. Sincerely.

What is currently happening is what I needed to break every last wall I had erected. I am confident that my escape from my old life required the complete and utter shattering of the false constructs I had developed in my mind. The ones I had been building for years to protect myself.

So, while intense experiences will inevitably happen to all of us, it is crucial to remind ourselves that the goal is to reach a place where we view these experiences with the understanding that this is what we need at this moment.

No matter how big of a middle finger the universe seems to be giving you, remember that the suffering is all in your mind. You create it through resistance to the inevitable pain that is necessary for growth. Built, not broken, baby.

For an update on the curveball the universe threw my way check here and here.

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