Directness Can Save Your Relationship

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Communication is a sticking point for many relationships. Despite our advanced linguistics, humans are generally pretty horrible at communicating needs and desires — shame, insecurities, and the desire to control an image of how the other will perceive us all prevent effective communication.

Yet, building up the confidence necessary to express yourself authentically is absolutely vital for developing a deep and resilient connection to others.

This simple piece of advice — communicating your desires — is one of the best things you can do to strengthen your relationship with your partner.

Everyone has wants and needs. You aren’t a burden. You aren’t weird. You are human. With that said, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to communicate those desires.

Your partner cannot read your mind no matter how much you wish that ability into reality… It’s just not going to happen. You must communicate with them to bring their awareness to your desires.

Ladies, we’re looking at you. “He should just know” is an incredibly irrational position to hold. No, he shouldn’t just know that you need a date on your anniversary. Men don’t operate that way. He isn’t vindictive. He’s just oblivious.

Men, same to you. If you like when she does something, then communicate that. If you dislike something, then communicate that. Don’t use her failing to do what you like as an erroneous reason to do that thing that you want to. You choose to communicate or not about your preferences.

Now, you needn’t plan everything out and give a step-by-step itinerary for what you want done, but you need to say what the end goal is.

For example, I wanted to have our first get-away from the baby be spectacular and had this idea in my head about it being in Sedona with all the bougie hippie things on my itinerary. So, that’s what I communicated, along with a general sense of some things I wanted to do in Sedona (dinner, hike, yoga, spa, etc.). It’s up to Alex to figure out the nuances of all that because I have the desire to be shown love via acts of service. It’s my desire so I must communicate it. I cannot just expect him to see what I see.

If you don’t communicate, then you’ll not only be disappointed and upset in the short-term, but become resentful in the long-term, which is one of the strongest predictors of divorce in marriage.

It’s that simple.

You have two choices.

You either communicate what you want and possibly get it, or you don’t communicate and end up disappointed and resentful.

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